Science and Data Alert: Gyms Reopening or Not

August 30, 2020

SCIENCE AND DATA ALERT!

So the great and good Governor Murphy has proclaimed that gyms will be "allowed" to reopen on September first! But not so much. A quick perusal of the rules and regulations make it abundantly obvious that this will in no way be an actual opening for gym owners or members. Some of the rules are just plain stupid. Some are patently absurd and beg the question "Where exactly is the science and data?" The benevolent Governor Murphy has told us from the beginning that his dictates would be guided by what the science and data demand. Again, not so much.
Let's take a look at just two of these rules: "Gym staff and members must wear masks at all times..." This is the stupid part. This can only end badly. Who thinks it's a good idea to be rebreathing your own carbon dioxide as you attempt to draw in enough oxygen to keep up with the demand of exercise? Bring you cell phone cameras so you can capture the moment when the guy on the treadmill hits the deck and shoots off the back of the machine like a baseball out of a pitching machine. But the second part of the rule is where it gets fun: "...unless it poses a risk to an individual's health..." This is the same magic (I mean science and data) used for face mask requirements to go into stores. I'd be interested to know just exactly what science and data says that my asthma or deviated septum or claustrophobia deactivates the deadly virus I might be releasing in my unmasked breath cloud (I hate that I know that term and now you do and you'll never get it out of your head!). The pious Governor has stated that gyms are one of the "most challenging indoor environments", so dangerous that you MUST wear a mask at all times...unless you can't. (SCIENCE!) But wait, it gets better.

The other rule is not only stupid, it is patently absurd and shows the complete lack of science or data incorporated into the requirements for gym opening (and pretty much everything else over the last six months). Hold on to your sweat socks: "No showering will be allowed..." So you cannot use the showers. Exactly what science and data did the chief decision maker (except when the decision is above his pay grade) use to show that showers are dangerous. For many reasons it is obvious that that data simply does not exist. But wait, it gets better: "...except for gyms with pools that can have partition showers or communal showers with barriers or partitions installed at least 6 feet apart." BOOM! Drop the mike. So apparently the shower room (and the locker room) are such dangerous hotbeds of deadly viral transmission that you are verboten from using them UNLESS there is a water-filled hole in the floor somewhere on the premises! Somehow, through some magic (I meant science and data) it has been determined that a water-filled hole in the floor mitigates or perhaps completely nullifies both the infective nature and the deadly potential of the coronavirus. Problem solved! So understand what the all-knowing potentate and his cabal of ne'er-do-wells (i mean august members of his scientific and medical panel) have decreed. If i go to the gym and work up a good sweat, assuming i don't pass out from the mask or choke on my own vomit (in which case I guess I'd be counted as a COVID death), and the gym has no pool, I cannot access the shower. I can't even go in the locker room to change my shirt. BUT, if there is a water filled hole in the floor on the premises, THEN, the same me, getting the same sweat on CAN use the showers and locker room. In point of fact, I don't even have to use the pool. In point of fact, the pool apparently doesn't even need to have water in it. SHAZAM! If anyone out there (I'm looking at you Governor) has any data showing any scientific justification for this policy, I would love to see it. And if you people out there see the same absurdity in this that i do, you already realize, these are the same geniuses who have been dictating your life for the last six months. Who knew swimming pools had such magical (I mean scientific and date driven) power. As most of us no longer live near a natural body of water, perhaps we should start using pools to determine just who is, and who is not, a witch.

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